Author Archives: jeff

Why Real Intimacy Starts From Within

Also posted at The Bilerico Project
Intimacy in gay and lesbian relationships is a balancing act that involves the human desire for both autonomy and connection throughout life. Our dual needs to be separate, yet together, create a fully human experience. We understand that loving another person transcends the experience we can have on our own. [...]

The Day My Family Nearly Parachuted From a Commercial Airplane

Years ago my family went to visit relatives in Vegas for New Years.
Along with our children, we took a 10-month baby boy that we were fostering at the time and one of our dogs (which Southwest allows because my partner and two of our kids are deaf).  Upon landing, we waited at baggage claim only [...]

When Cupid Is Stupid: 10 Ways To Avoid Falling In Love With A Jerk On Valentine’s Day

Originally posted at Bilerico.com
Cupid – the icon of desire and attraction – will undoubtedly fire his arrows through the hearts of many this Valentine season.  Countless lovers will swap confectionary and flowers, and according to the Greeting Card Association over 140 million greeting cards will be exchanged on the day that commemorates romantic love.
But when [...]

If Scrooge Were Queer: 20 Questions for Couples in the New Year

Originally posted at the Bilerico Project
Imagine for a moment that you have a life-changing dream. In this dream, you and your partner are the protagonists in a remake of Charles Dickens’ timeless novella, A Christmas Carol. But this version has a twist. Instead of grumpy old codgers in musty pajamas, you and your partner are [...]

Dinner With My Gay Grannies

Also posted at the Bilerico Project

I recently found an old photograph that reminded me of a magical evening several years ago. That night, I went to dinner with three very special gay couples. The “youngest” had been together 19 years at that point. The second – 39 years.  The third couple was about to celebrate [...]

The Four Quarter Notes Of Love

Since our launch a few short months ago, many people have contacted us to express their enthusiasm about the evidence-based material we are teaching LGBTQ couples and singles.  After each web seminar, participants are invited to complete a survey about their experience and let us know what kinds of information would be most helpful in [...]

A Prescription for Playfulness

Originally posted on Bilerico.com
This morning as I sipped on a second cup of java, my 7-year-old approached wearing his doctor’s outfit complete with surgical mask and horn-rimmed glasses.  He clutched a prescription pad in his left hand and a medicine bag in his right.
I played along and began to moan about agonizing headaches and intolerable [...]

Balancing the Give and Take

“Jeff, what creates a healthy relationship?”  It’s a question I hear nearly every week in my office.  I pause to consider my response, knowing that I too am learning how to love another in a way that creates meaningful long-term connection.
Healthy relationships are wonderful, challenging, and wonderfully challenging.  They are about trying to maintain the delicate [...]

Do you know the greatest single predictor of break-up?

Last weekend thousands of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people attended the Austin Pride Festival.  As they passed the ContemporaryCouples.com booth, they were asked, “According to research, which of the following is the greatest single predictor of relationship break-up?”

Sexual infidelity

Contemptuous communication

Conflict and unfair fighting

Sexual desire differences

Ongoing financial strain

The correct answer?  Contemptuous communication.  Longitudinal studies conducted [...]

An Ounce of Truth Outweighs a Pack of Lies: Research on Gay and Lesbian Couples Finds Healthy Strengths

Gay and lesbian relationships are . . . counterfeit . . . psychologically immature . . . less committed  . . . short-term . . . rarely last . . . unhealthy for children . . .

Most of us grew up hearing these falsehoods in our communities, churches, and families.  In our struggle for [...]



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